People who like hamburgers, which we unscientifically estimate at approximately 87 percent of the world, like them just the way they are.
Messing with near-perfection is a precarious undertaking. Michael Jordan was not content to be the world’s greatest basketball player. He decided to quit that sport to take on baseball.
Similarly, attempting to improve, or somehow make the hamburger a “classier” dish is at best an exercise in futility and at worst an abomination of the very fiber of humanity.
Here we see the traditional bun replaced by a skewer. So the tomatoes and onions and peppers we love so much need to be impaled along with the burger, itself, which is now not so much burger as meatball.
And when you’re done? It’s not just curl up your napkin and dispose of responsibly – no, now there are sharp, lethal weapons on the table. Inevitably, stabbings will ensue.
We don’t think it’s overstating the point to point out that people will die as the result of hamburger-on-a-stick. And isn’t that really just the opposite of what we want from our food?