5-Hour Energy Drink: Because Cocaine Is Illegal

From Flickr Creative Commons by wstryder

The 5-Hour Energy Drink burst upon us in TV commercials like this week’s hot singer on American Idol. Suddenly there it was – the perfect, legal halfway point between coffee and cocaine.

You can stay awake and alert for hours (like coffee and crack), suddenly feel smarter than you are (like coke), with no Charles Bukowski-like crash (and there’s the major improvement over the white powder).

But is all that true? It acts a lot like the illegal stuff.

They say their competition is coffee, but … sniff, sniff … we know what time it is.

You know how pharmaceutical products have to list the possible side effects in their commercials, right? And you have probably thought, “Gee, those side effects sound worse than the ailment.” Well, here are a few of the complaints 5-Hour Energy Drink users have experienced, not for an ailment, but for a malady called “I’m a little sleepy”: 

Niacin flush (a burning sensation on face and legs, and redness of skin), dizziness, nausea, vomiting, heart palpitations, insomnia (complain about sleepiness, will you?), chest pain, and numbness in the arms and legs.

5-Hour Energy Drink is not recommended for children under the age of 12, pregnant women, and people who have high blood pressure. We would extend that non-recommendation to every living person.

So here’s an idea … how about getting enough sleep at night?

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3 Responses to 5-Hour Energy Drink: Because Cocaine Is Illegal

  1. Pingback: Energy Drinks—It’s Better To Sleep « Ann Novek–With the Sky as the Ceiling and the Heart Outdoors

  2. I’ve been needing a bit of a boost lately and I’ve been told about an energy drink called Cocaine CUT or something. There’s no cocaine in it or anything and is totally legal, but its apparently supposed to taste better and work better than Red Bull which is encouraging!! Anyone heard of it and is it any good?

  3. My friend gave me some of the cocaine energy drink and it is hot like atomic fireballs, what makes it spicy?

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